Monday, December 7, 2009

Married Issues

The New York Times Magazine cover story this week was Married (Happily) With Issues. A good article, which led Meg to talk about pre-marital counseling (which is a whole 'nother issue over here). But what struck me about the article was the constant struggle between closer intimacy and the need to pull away, to be yourself in a marriage.

This is something that Husband and I have not figured out. I crave more intimacy. I want to talk more, plan more, share dreams and goals and projects. But I'm terrified. And so I don't do it. I pull back and keep things to myself. On purpose.

Because what if we aren't on the same page? What if we find out we're not really who we think we are? What about our expectations? And maybe, most of all, it requires me to be less selfish. I have to think more of him, care more about his opinion and his needs than my own. I know, I know. That sounds obvious. But I'm prone to extremes--to caring about him OR caring about me. I can even care about US. But to be intimate with him while remaining intimate with myself? I don't know.

Anyone else know what I'm talking about?

1 comment:

  1. I hear you. I have no answers, or even advice, but I hear you. Thinking about this is a good thing. Being conscious of how you feel about this, and the tension present within your own thoughts, is a really good thing. I hear you.