Friday, January 8, 2010

Not Loving My Wedding

Meg at APW asked an interesting question yesterday--one I've thought of many times* but seems like the kind of thing no one says out loud. She wanted to know if anyone didn't love their wedding.

YES! My answer is a resounding yes!

As far as weddings go, there really isn't much I would change. We had a good party, we spent time with family and friends, we got legally hitched, we ate good food and ended up with great pictures. There were some stressful moments** in the planning process, at the same time, much of of the planning was fun. I was able to be creative and with the help of my mom and some good friends all my ideas came to life and were even better than I imagined. And it was most definitely a good time. 

 Still doesn't mean I loved it.

It was a tiring, busy day. Even though we planned the day so that we could spend time with people it didn't really work out. Yes, we got married and yes, it was fun to walk down the isle and see my husband and yes, it was important to say the "I do's" in front of everyone.***

Except, not really. I know for some people that's a really transcendent moment. It's life-altering and momentous. It's the happiest day of their life.**** Not for me. Am I glad we did it? For our families and the friends who were there and enjoyed it, sure. For me, no way. I never wanted a wedding. I always wanted to be married, yes--but a wedding, no. Before we even got engaged Husband and I talked about a tiny wedding somewhere on the coast with just our immediate families and possibly a friend or two. I dreamed of short white dresses and no fuss and standing on a cliff somewhere to say our vows with hot drinks inside after it was over. Once we were engaged it suddenly became VERY important to my then-fiance to have a "real wedding." With guests and vows and flowers and invites, and, it must be said, presents. We fought about it a lot. And then, I gave in.

But I should have fought harder. We're not the up-front, make a fuss over us type. We're the slipping away and surprising everyone with "guess what? we're married!" kind of people. And I knew it. And it would have been a wedding that I loved. 

*In fact, Husband and I were talking about this last week. He apologized and said he should have listened to me. That made me feel better about the whole thing.
**Ok, tons of stressful moments.

***I appreciate everyone who came to our wedding and everyone who helped out. Just because I didn't love it, doesn't mean I'm not glad you enjoyed it and that you were there.
****Seriously? How can that be?


  1. Brave you for saying so! I did like our wedding but I agree - there were no transcendent moments. Lots of really happy ones, but I definitely didn't have any out-of-body experiences or anything. I'm glad you can talk about it and be honest.

  2. Wait, there's no magic euphoria cascade that comes with the big white dress?? I may have to re-think this wedding nonsense. ;)

    Really, this was a great post Kris. I love your candor and I double love that the Present-Monster apologized. For the record, it was a lovely day and I did love seeing you get dipped! xo!

  3. I love those pictures...I looked through them all online, but I need to look again, cause I don't even remember those ones.