Tuesday, January 12, 2010

OUR life

I had a life-shifting moment last night. A paradigm shift, perhaps. A moment of beginning to realize (accept?) what this marriage thing is all about. Although all it really led to was more questions...

Husband and I were discussing his job, which led into more discussion about where he wants to go with his job and his career. Because of the inequalities of our jobs and financial status* I'm generally hesitant to speak about his career, lest he think I'm trying to run the show. I'm the planner and the go-getter of our partnership in most things so it's a natural thing for me. It's tricky.

As we talked things over last night that attitude kept getting in the way as I apologized or put a disclaimer on nearly every statement. I didn't notice until Husband finally told me to knock it off.

"Stop saying that. You're not meddling," he said. "It IS your business. We're married now. You get a say."

I'm sure you're laughing at me right now because apparently that's obvious to most people. I'm just slow, I suppose, but it still feels like HIS life and MY life... not OUR life. I try not to interfere in his and expect him to stay out of mine.

So does the fact that I'm married to him mean it's my right to have a say in his life? Is it a right? A privilege? An expectation?

How do I balance HIS life and MY life with OUR life? Are they the same?

And maybe most importantly... why does he seem to get all of this so naturally while I struggle with most aspects of being married?

*I make more than twice what he does.


  1. We've both had big career stuff/angst this year and it is indeed mind-blowing to shift to thinking of it as stuff that we tackle together. It's both reassuring, and it makes one feel accountable in a productive way.

  2. No, you aren't slow. There is getting it, and then there is GETTING IT. And I haven't reached that point, either.