I woke up in the middle of the night sobbing. Full on sobs with tear streaming down my face.
We were driving in a city, on our way to a movie. Inexplicably, we were in the back seat with my sister and my parents were driving. The puppies were with us, sitting on our laps and walking around. As is always the case in dreams things were off. The car seemed large because the puppies were in the way, but there was still plenty of room for them to move about. At one point, the Husband let them outside of the car on their leashes so they could potty.
But then, at a stoplight, he couldn't handle it anymore. He kicked the pups out of the car just before the light turned green and my parents pulled forward, off the freeway with a left turn and across an overpass, then continuing on a busy street with many lanes.
I stared at the puppies through the back window of the car as we drove away. It was horrible. Those sad, confused faces. They tried to follow, but we left so fast. I cried and yelled. Somehow I got out of the car and was standing in the middle of the busy lanes, calling for my Loki.
That's where I woke up with my heart hurting and my eyes dripping. For a minute, the Husband patted my back and soothed me over and over. Finally I was able to sputter out, "you left the dogs in the middle of the freeway!" At which point he snorted, laughed, rolled over and went back to sleep.
I know. It's completely ridiculous. But it was horrible and sad and overwhelming.
Intellectually, I know that I will love the baby more than the puppies. But in my heart it's hard to imagine. I love them more fiercely than I've loved anything or anyone before. They need me. They rely on me. I'm their person. Like I will be for the baby. How terrifying to think that the thought of losing the rascals is enough to nearly cause me hysterics... what's going to happen when the tiny human isn't safe inside of me anymore? My heart may break every single day.