More Things No One Tells You (or, maybe shouldn't?)

I just had my second favorite conversation with a co-worker about pregnancy-related things. After providing some motherly advice that was all quite useful, if not new, since most everyone else has told me the same things, she goes on to lean in and lower her voice.

"Here's something you should know," she says quietly in the hallway of our busy workplace. "After you have the baby and if you breastfeed, well, just know that if you have an orgasm you'll shoot milk everywhere."

She went on to say that she tries to tell people that now so they aren't surprised like she was.

If the mothers in my office keep this up, there should be very few things I'm not prepared for, right? 

And So It Begins

Some weeks ago I was walking out of a meeting and down the hallway at work when a co-worker popped up next to me. She had started several months ago and we didn't work closely together so although I liked her, I'd only met her a handful of times.

"It's come to my attention that you're expecting," she says.

"Uhhhh."

"Yeah. I mean, I noticed that you were a few weeks ago and I just wanted to say congratulations!" she continues in a lovely, loud voice.

"You noticed? What do you mean you noticed?" I say, pulling my long cardigan a bit closer around me. At this point I'm a little confused. I mean, I could barely tell when I was dressed for work. How could she?

"Well, uh," and here she gestures to my chest, "those boobs? The ones that look like they could feed the whole world? They're kind of obvious."

Ahhhhh, and so it begins. So, feel free. Talk about my boobs. Apparently, my knocked up body is available for public comment.  Hooray!

Bra Shopping

I would guess just about every women shuddered reading the title of this post. On a shopping scale, looking for a bra is less fun that swimming suit shopping and slightly more fun than trying to find the perfect jeans.

The last time I went bra shopping I picked about a dozen bras in my size and took them into the fitting room where none (NONE!) fit. The perky little blond working there offered to do a bra fitting/sizing thing on me so I took her up on it. After wrangling that little measuring tape around my body in a multitude of directions she announced that I was definitely wearing the wrong size and needed to go up at least a cup size.

SO determined to take home something that actually fit I bought two bras that day in the giant-boob size she said I was. One fit really well, actually, and I liked it a lot. The other one I tried on again at home for Husband. His response: "That looks like a giant old lady with saggy boobs bra." Obviously, that one went back.

This weekend I picked up a few of my favorite panties and decided to grab a bra while I was there. My new regular size was nowhere to be found, of course, as it's rather obscure. Another perky, curly blond came over to help me look and when she heard what size I was looking for she immediately pulled me into the changing area and held a cup up to my boob.

"See, that's what I thought! You're not nearly that big. You're definitely wearing too large of a bra. You need this one instead," she chirps.

Okaaaaay.

At this point I'm trying to cover my frustration so I try on the size she recommended--my old regular size. The instant I had the thing on it was painfully obvious that it was not the correct size. Perky Girl came in then to look and stood there for a second with pursed lips before announcing that, "You really are full-chested aren't you?"

Apparently I'm destined to wear old lady bras forever. 

To sex or not to sex

Me: Do you think we're having more sex because we're getting along better right now? Or do you think we're getting along because we're, you know, getting it on?

Husband: We're getting along better, which makes you happier, which means more sex.

Me: I thought it was the other way around.

Husband: Could be.


What do you think? Is there a cause and effect relationship?

Quite the Show

Obviously I should look at myself fully in the mirror before leaving the house. It is now nearing the end of the workday and I have realized that this bra with this shirt... well, let's just say that anyone taller than my 5'3" has a direct shot down my v-neck to my belly button.

Great. Just great.