Here I sit. Bouncing on my exercise ball because it's the most comfy place to rest. Sitting. Bouncing. Waiting.
At my last midwife appointment half a week ago she predicted that the baby would be here any day. For those who care, at that point I was 80% effaced and 4 cm dilated. As a point of reference for those of you who haven't had kids... many (most?) people get to the hospital in active labor when they're about 4 cm dilated. I've been this way for a week. And 2 cm for a week before that.
I'm ready. But I wasn't. Up until the last day or so I had so many things still to do. Work was crazy busy and I just couldn't get caught up--much less get ahead. My house was a mess. The baby room wasn't done. I still had to pack a bag for the hospital and finish washing clothes.
Now I'm ready. Some of those things are done. Some aren't. But none seem important anymore. The things that must be ready are. The rest don't matter.
Here I sit. Time sits too. Still and hot, like it should in the middle of summer. Except this year, when day could be the day. I expected to spend these last nine months full of joy and excitement. Full of plans and dreams. And I have... kinda. It's been different than I expected. More apprehension. Fewer dreams. Perhaps I'm just not that sentimental, but I tend to live more in the now and less in the future. And NOW is when the future and the now should meet and become the perfect time to greet this little person for real.
Showing posts with label self reflection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self reflection. Show all posts
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
The Olden Days
How does one go about teaching a kid all the things she needs to know? How did I learn the things I know? How do I pass those down to her?
I was thinking about this last week while sitting in a meeting where there was much singing. Mostly hymns. Older hymns for the most part. I came in late and did not end up with a song book, which was ok, because I knew the words to most of the songs. Well, at least the first and last verse--if we sang the ones in the middle it was more of a crap shoot.
We didn't sing religious songs at home that much, that I remember. Did I pick them up in church, or at camp, or in choir? I don't know. If you had asked, I never would have answered that I knew the words to those songs, but it seems some things sink in and stick with you.
These are the things I wonder how to teach my daughter. The things that make her a part of our family, of our religion, our culture. The things that she won't know she's learned, or that won't make a difference until she's grown and startled to discover it was inside her all along.
I was thinking about this last week while sitting in a meeting where there was much singing. Mostly hymns. Older hymns for the most part. I came in late and did not end up with a song book, which was ok, because I knew the words to most of the songs. Well, at least the first and last verse--if we sang the ones in the middle it was more of a crap shoot.
We didn't sing religious songs at home that much, that I remember. Did I pick them up in church, or at camp, or in choir? I don't know. If you had asked, I never would have answered that I knew the words to those songs, but it seems some things sink in and stick with you.
These are the things I wonder how to teach my daughter. The things that make her a part of our family, of our religion, our culture. The things that she won't know she's learned, or that won't make a difference until she's grown and startled to discover it was inside her all along.
Monday, October 11, 2010
September in Retrospect
Life is busy. The months are flying past before I even have a moment to enjoy them. The Husband let the puppy and I sleep in yesterday, which was much needed.
Work is becoming overwhelming and I'm not sure how to catch up, though the upcoming projects are very exciting.
This is my third week of teaching an upper division public relations class at a local university. Teaching is super hard work. Any university professors out there--how do I not feel like such an idiot while speaking to a bunch of students? Also, how can I make a two-hour evening class more interesting?
We canned a bunch of things from our garden and the farmer's market. I've never canned anything before so the jars of garden salsa, blackberry and peach jam, and the peach slices make me feel like quite the amazing housewife. The fact that Husband was equally involved makes him pretty amazing too.
Physical therapy has been helping my shoulder but I re-damaged it doing the assigned exercises and my PT has canceled the past two weeks for emergency reasons. Now my head and shoulder are hurting so bad it's hard to concentrate. I miss yoga.
It's finally almost cool enough to wear my favorite boots. I love warm socks and boots and once it finally gets chilly (if you can consider 60 degrees chilly) I put them on and don't go back to pumps and other work shoes until May.
We went to Disneyland, which has always been my favorite place (blame my parents for that). It was a weekday at the end of September so the park was virtually empty except for all the moms and strollers. Mostly locals who can come for part of a day for a playdate. This is near the end of the day when things diminished into my modeling an awesome pirate hat that I couldn't justify buying.
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And now. Now it's halfway through October already. And I want to start fresh.
Work is becoming overwhelming and I'm not sure how to catch up, though the upcoming projects are very exciting.
This is my third week of teaching an upper division public relations class at a local university. Teaching is super hard work. Any university professors out there--how do I not feel like such an idiot while speaking to a bunch of students? Also, how can I make a two-hour evening class more interesting?
We canned a bunch of things from our garden and the farmer's market. I've never canned anything before so the jars of garden salsa, blackberry and peach jam, and the peach slices make me feel like quite the amazing housewife. The fact that Husband was equally involved makes him pretty amazing too.
Physical therapy has been helping my shoulder but I re-damaged it doing the assigned exercises and my PT has canceled the past two weeks for emergency reasons. Now my head and shoulder are hurting so bad it's hard to concentrate. I miss yoga.
It's finally almost cool enough to wear my favorite boots. I love warm socks and boots and once it finally gets chilly (if you can consider 60 degrees chilly) I put them on and don't go back to pumps and other work shoes until May.
We went to Disneyland, which has always been my favorite place (blame my parents for that). It was a weekday at the end of September so the park was virtually empty except for all the moms and strollers. Mostly locals who can come for part of a day for a playdate. This is near the end of the day when things diminished into my modeling an awesome pirate hat that I couldn't justify buying.
And now. Now it's halfway through October already. And I want to start fresh.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Sunsetting our First Year
We have been married one whole year.
I have not been blogging much.
The two are related a bit, but not really.
It's been a really tough year, full of big decisions and big fights and big adjustments and big amounts of being way too busy. Some things I can talk about, of course, and other things I either don't want to, or I can't find the words to say what I need to. So I don't say anything. But I'm here, keeping up on you all. And perhaps I'll be here more often in the future.
Meanwhile, I took these pictures last weekend during our sort-of anniversary trip to the coast. We had such beautiful evenings, as you can see.
Monday, August 2, 2010
To sex or not to sex
Me: Do you think we're having more sex because we're getting along better right now? Or do you think we're getting along because we're, you know, getting it on?
Husband: We're getting along better, which makes you happier, which means more sex.
Me: I thought it was the other way around.
Husband: Could be.
What do you think? Is there a cause and effect relationship?
Husband: We're getting along better, which makes you happier, which means more sex.
Me: I thought it was the other way around.
Husband: Could be.
What do you think? Is there a cause and effect relationship?
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Grown-up Graduation Gifts
It's graduation season. All around me people are graduating... mostly from college now that I'm getting old. Many from grad school (thank God I'm done with that too!) and some are just ending one year to enjoy the break before school starts again next year.
I've never really understood graduation presents. I get that it's a big deal and people want to celebrate. I guess I just never expected any gifts for completing something that I always expected to do. But, that's not really the point.
The point is that I only remember four graduation gifts ever. When I graduated from high school my parents bought be a nice DSL Canon camera. I used that thing like crazy until a few years later when film became, well, obsolete. I also got a set of giant Costco towels from some church friends who had graduated from college only a few years before. They were right--big towels are very handy in a dorm.
My college graduation gifts are less useful, perhaps, and yet much more meaningful. My oldest family friends (these are the people who claimed my sister and I as their so-called daughters when we were just wee things*) gave me the Dr. Seuss book "Oh, the Places You'll Go," which I thought very suitable.
And my mom's best friend (my other family**) gave me the best gift of all.
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Isn't that fun? She told me that it should be a reminder that we're never too old to play and that hopefully work would always be something I enjoyed. It has sat on my desk at every job (ok, that's only three) I've had since college.
Any other clever graduation gifts I should keep in mind for future events?
*Our family had great friends--mostly from church--when we were little. Funny though, they were family friends but they didn't always have kids. In this case, their son is probably the person I've been friends with longest in my life. I think we met when I was four.
**Again, apparently I have lots of adopted families. I don't see many of them anymore. How does one go about creating new adopted families to go with this new baby family of mine?
I've never really understood graduation presents. I get that it's a big deal and people want to celebrate. I guess I just never expected any gifts for completing something that I always expected to do. But, that's not really the point.
The point is that I only remember four graduation gifts ever. When I graduated from high school my parents bought be a nice DSL Canon camera. I used that thing like crazy until a few years later when film became, well, obsolete. I also got a set of giant Costco towels from some church friends who had graduated from college only a few years before. They were right--big towels are very handy in a dorm.
My college graduation gifts are less useful, perhaps, and yet much more meaningful. My oldest family friends (these are the people who claimed my sister and I as their so-called daughters when we were just wee things*) gave me the Dr. Seuss book "Oh, the Places You'll Go," which I thought very suitable.
And my mom's best friend (my other family**) gave me the best gift of all.
.jpg)
Isn't that fun? She told me that it should be a reminder that we're never too old to play and that hopefully work would always be something I enjoyed. It has sat on my desk at every job (ok, that's only three) I've had since college.
Any other clever graduation gifts I should keep in mind for future events?
*Our family had great friends--mostly from church--when we were little. Funny though, they were family friends but they didn't always have kids. In this case, their son is probably the person I've been friends with longest in my life. I think we met when I was four.
**Again, apparently I have lots of adopted families. I don't see many of them anymore. How does one go about creating new adopted families to go with this new baby family of mine?
Monday, March 1, 2010
Things I Like About My Husband
Husband and I have been fighting a lot. An awful lot.
In the past I've found that thinking nice thoughts or doing nice things for someone makes me like them more. So, I submit this short and not-exhaustive list of things I love about my husband.
1. He is an excellent cook.
2. He has super sexy legs.
3. He brings me coffee in the morning before leaving for work.
4. He picked up all the puppy poops today with my even asking.
5. He believes in my far more than I do.
6. He acts like a little kid a lot.
7. He loves me bunches.
8. He sweet talks the girl puppy when he thinks I'm not listening.
9. He unties all my knots and fixes my messes.
10. He finds things when I lose them--no matter what crazy place they were left in. It's amazing.
11. He occasionally surprises me with treats or flowers or cards.
12. He thinks I'm sexy, even when I look hideous.
13. He heats up a hot pad for my feet every night in the winter.
14. He is a great dresser.
In the past I've found that thinking nice thoughts or doing nice things for someone makes me like them more. So, I submit this short and not-exhaustive list of things I love about my husband.
1. He is an excellent cook.
2. He has super sexy legs.
3. He brings me coffee in the morning before leaving for work.
4. He picked up all the puppy poops today with my even asking.
5. He believes in my far more than I do.
6. He acts like a little kid a lot.
7. He loves me bunches.
8. He sweet talks the girl puppy when he thinks I'm not listening.
9. He unties all my knots and fixes my messes.
10. He finds things when I lose them--no matter what crazy place they were left in. It's amazing.
11. He occasionally surprises me with treats or flowers or cards.
12. He thinks I'm sexy, even when I look hideous.
13. He heats up a hot pad for my feet every night in the winter.
14. He is a great dresser.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Courtship
Recently I've been wondering how different our wedding and these first few months of marriage would have been had our timing been different.
We married on Labor Day weekend in September--exactly one year after our first date. Neither of us can remember exactly when we got engaged (yeah, that seems weird to us too, but we started talking about getting married so very shortly after our first date) but it must have been March or April because I remember saying to myself many times how I only had about five months within which to plan the wedding.
In many ways only having a few months for wedding planning was a blessing. It wasn't the best experience and I can only imagine that it gets more complicated when you don't have as much pressure to just MAKE A DECISION. But I do think that if we'd planned for a year we'd have done some things differently, or done more of it ourselves and saved money. Or maybe it's just that we would have had a better understanding of ourselves as a couple and that knowledge could have helped to prioritize our decisions.
And that leads to the other side of my wonderings: how would our marriage be different today if we'd known each other as well as we do now (or better even) before starting to plan a wedding and a life together? It seems that I'm learning something new about my husband at least every week, if not more. Not just little things like the fact that he hates black licorice, but things about his character, his dreams, habits and needs and patterns.
Are these things I should have known in advance or are these just things that come from living with/being married to someone no matter how long you've been together?
Nearly half of our courtship consisted of planning a wedding--which doesn't resemble real life. And now we find ourselves in this thing called marriage, in which he is my spouse and I am his. And some days it is really hard. We don't have a well of experiences to reach into. We don't have shared adventures and stories and friends. We can't look back and think of times that were worse or better than this. This short year is all we have had.
But we have many years in front of us. And I suppose in the long run that's all that really matters.
We married on Labor Day weekend in September--exactly one year after our first date. Neither of us can remember exactly when we got engaged (yeah, that seems weird to us too, but we started talking about getting married so very shortly after our first date) but it must have been March or April because I remember saying to myself many times how I only had about five months within which to plan the wedding.
In many ways only having a few months for wedding planning was a blessing. It wasn't the best experience and I can only imagine that it gets more complicated when you don't have as much pressure to just MAKE A DECISION. But I do think that if we'd planned for a year we'd have done some things differently, or done more of it ourselves and saved money. Or maybe it's just that we would have had a better understanding of ourselves as a couple and that knowledge could have helped to prioritize our decisions.
And that leads to the other side of my wonderings: how would our marriage be different today if we'd known each other as well as we do now (or better even) before starting to plan a wedding and a life together? It seems that I'm learning something new about my husband at least every week, if not more. Not just little things like the fact that he hates black licorice, but things about his character, his dreams, habits and needs and patterns.
Are these things I should have known in advance or are these just things that come from living with/being married to someone no matter how long you've been together?
Nearly half of our courtship consisted of planning a wedding--which doesn't resemble real life. And now we find ourselves in this thing called marriage, in which he is my spouse and I am his. And some days it is really hard. We don't have a well of experiences to reach into. We don't have shared adventures and stories and friends. We can't look back and think of times that were worse or better than this. This short year is all we have had.
But we have many years in front of us. And I suppose in the long run that's all that really matters.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
OUR life
I had a life-shifting moment last night. A paradigm shift, perhaps. A moment of beginning to realize (accept?) what this marriage thing is all about. Although all it really led to was more questions...
Husband and I were discussing his job, which led into more discussion about where he wants to go with his job and his career. Because of the inequalities of our jobs and financial status* I'm generally hesitant to speak about his career, lest he think I'm trying to run the show. I'm the planner and the go-getter of our partnership in most things so it's a natural thing for me. It's tricky.
As we talked things over last night that attitude kept getting in the way as I apologized or put a disclaimer on nearly every statement. I didn't notice until Husband finally told me to knock it off.
"Stop saying that. You're not meddling," he said. "It IS your business. We're married now. You get a say."
I'm sure you're laughing at me right now because apparently that's obvious to most people. I'm just slow, I suppose, but it still feels like HIS life and MY life... not OUR life. I try not to interfere in his and expect him to stay out of mine.
So does the fact that I'm married to him mean it's my right to have a say in his life? Is it a right? A privilege? An expectation?
How do I balance HIS life and MY life with OUR life? Are they the same?
And maybe most importantly... why does he seem to get all of this so naturally while I struggle with most aspects of being married?
*I make more than twice what he does.
Husband and I were discussing his job, which led into more discussion about where he wants to go with his job and his career. Because of the inequalities of our jobs and financial status* I'm generally hesitant to speak about his career, lest he think I'm trying to run the show. I'm the planner and the go-getter of our partnership in most things so it's a natural thing for me. It's tricky.
As we talked things over last night that attitude kept getting in the way as I apologized or put a disclaimer on nearly every statement. I didn't notice until Husband finally told me to knock it off.
"Stop saying that. You're not meddling," he said. "It IS your business. We're married now. You get a say."
I'm sure you're laughing at me right now because apparently that's obvious to most people. I'm just slow, I suppose, but it still feels like HIS life and MY life... not OUR life. I try not to interfere in his and expect him to stay out of mine.
So does the fact that I'm married to him mean it's my right to have a say in his life? Is it a right? A privilege? An expectation?
How do I balance HIS life and MY life with OUR life? Are they the same?
And maybe most importantly... why does he seem to get all of this so naturally while I struggle with most aspects of being married?
*I make more than twice what he does.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Not Loving My Wedding
Meg at APW asked an interesting question yesterday--one I've thought of many times* but seems like the kind of thing no one says out loud. She wanted to know if anyone didn't love their wedding.
YES! My answer is a resounding yes!
As far as weddings go, there really isn't much I would change. We had a good party, we spent time with family and friends, we got legally hitched, we ate good food and ended up with great pictures. There were some stressful moments** in the planning process, at the same time, much of of the planning was fun. I was able to be creative and with the help of my mom and some good friends all my ideas came to life and were even better than I imagined. And it was most definitely a good time.
Still doesn't mean I loved it.
It was a tiring, busy day. Even though we planned the day so that we could spend time with people it didn't really work out. Yes, we got married and yes, it was fun to walk down the isle and see my husband and yes, it was important to say the "I do's" in front of everyone.***
Except, not really. I know for some people that's a really transcendent moment. It's life-altering and momentous. It's the happiest day of their life.**** Not for me. Am I glad we did it? For our families and the friends who were there and enjoyed it, sure. For me, no way. I never wanted a wedding. I always wanted to be married, yes--but a wedding, no. Before we even got engaged Husband and I talked about a tiny wedding somewhere on the coast with just our immediate families and possibly a friend or two. I dreamed of short white dresses and no fuss and standing on a cliff somewhere to say our vows with hot drinks inside after it was over. Once we were engaged it suddenly became VERY important to my then-fiance to have a "real wedding." With guests and vows and flowers and invites, and, it must be said, presents. We fought about it a lot. And then, I gave in.
But I should have fought harder. We're not the up-front, make a fuss over us type. We're the slipping away and surprising everyone with "guess what? we're married!" kind of people. And I knew it. And it would have been a wedding that I loved.
*In fact, Husband and I were talking about this last week. He apologized and said he should have listened to me. That made me feel better about the whole thing.
**Ok, tons of stressful moments.
***I appreciate everyone who came to our wedding and everyone who helped out. Just because I didn't love it, doesn't mean I'm not glad you enjoyed it and that you were there.
****Seriously? How can that be?
YES! My answer is a resounding yes!
As far as weddings go, there really isn't much I would change. We had a good party, we spent time with family and friends, we got legally hitched, we ate good food and ended up with great pictures. There were some stressful moments** in the planning process, at the same time, much of of the planning was fun. I was able to be creative and with the help of my mom and some good friends all my ideas came to life and were even better than I imagined. And it was most definitely a good time.
It was a tiring, busy day. Even though we planned the day so that we could spend time with people it didn't really work out. Yes, we got married and yes, it was fun to walk down the isle and see my husband and yes, it was important to say the "I do's" in front of everyone.***
But I should have fought harder. We're not the up-front, make a fuss over us type. We're the slipping away and surprising everyone with "guess what? we're married!" kind of people. And I knew it. And it would have been a wedding that I loved.
*In fact, Husband and I were talking about this last week. He apologized and said he should have listened to me. That made me feel better about the whole thing.
**Ok, tons of stressful moments.
***I appreciate everyone who came to our wedding and everyone who helped out. Just because I didn't love it, doesn't mean I'm not glad you enjoyed it and that you were there.
****Seriously? How can that be?
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Spending Freeze
We are embarking upon a spending freeze. With the wedding, house renovations, new home-related purchases (like a couch--finally!), and the holidays we've been watching our savings dwindle and our credit card balances grow. Not good.
We're actually pretty good with money, but we just haven't been careful lately. We want to get back into that. So for the next two months we are voluntarily freezing all unnecessary spending. For us, that means:
1. No new home accessories or furniture
2. No new clothing purchases
3. Packing lunches for work and eating lunch out only once a week
4. Meal planning and entering the grocery store only with a list
5. Focusing on free entertainment
What it doesn't mean:
1. We will eat frugally (we enjoy food--both cooking and eating--and will be careful but not unreasonable)
2. We'll pass up truly stellar deals (like a fantastic piece of yard sale furniture we can restore
3. We'll put off necessary purchases, expensive or not (like my new, already-purchased phone or the new nightguard I'm going to need since we think the puppies may have eaten the last one)
What can I say? We're realistic.
We're actually pretty good with money, but we just haven't been careful lately. We want to get back into that. So for the next two months we are voluntarily freezing all unnecessary spending. For us, that means:
1. No new home accessories or furniture
2. No new clothing purchases
3. Packing lunches for work and eating lunch out only once a week
4. Meal planning and entering the grocery store only with a list
5. Focusing on free entertainment
What it doesn't mean:
1. We will eat frugally (we enjoy food--both cooking and eating--and will be careful but not unreasonable)
2. We'll pass up truly stellar deals (like a fantastic piece of yard sale furniture we can restore
3. We'll put off necessary purchases, expensive or not (like my new, already-purchased phone or the new nightguard I'm going to need since we think the puppies may have eaten the last one)
What can I say? We're realistic.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Married Issues
The New York Times Magazine cover story this week was Married (Happily) With Issues. A good article, which led Meg to talk about pre-marital counseling (which is a whole 'nother issue over here). But what struck me about the article was the constant struggle between closer intimacy and the need to pull away, to be yourself in a marriage.
This is something that Husband and I have not figured out. I crave more intimacy. I want to talk more, plan more, share dreams and goals and projects. But I'm terrified. And so I don't do it. I pull back and keep things to myself. On purpose.
Because what if we aren't on the same page? What if we find out we're not really who we think we are? What about our expectations? And maybe, most of all, it requires me to be less selfish. I have to think more of him, care more about his opinion and his needs than my own. I know, I know. That sounds obvious. But I'm prone to extremes--to caring about him OR caring about me. I can even care about US. But to be intimate with him while remaining intimate with myself? I don't know.
Anyone else know what I'm talking about?
This is something that Husband and I have not figured out. I crave more intimacy. I want to talk more, plan more, share dreams and goals and projects. But I'm terrified. And so I don't do it. I pull back and keep things to myself. On purpose.
Because what if we aren't on the same page? What if we find out we're not really who we think we are? What about our expectations? And maybe, most of all, it requires me to be less selfish. I have to think more of him, care more about his opinion and his needs than my own. I know, I know. That sounds obvious. But I'm prone to extremes--to caring about him OR caring about me. I can even care about US. But to be intimate with him while remaining intimate with myself? I don't know.
Anyone else know what I'm talking about?
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
In the Spirit of the Season
A few things I am thankful for today:
1. That my new husband and I haven't killed each other yet
2. Snuggly puppies
3. Christmas music
4. Coffee makers with timers
5. Alive, married, happy parents
6. That Husband and I own a house
7. That the renters in our other house are AWESOME
8. A job I enjoy
9. Christmas shopping
10. A Husband who is an excellent cook
11. Bright's candy store
12. My sister
13. Heat pad for my feet at night
What are you thankful for?
1. That my new husband and I haven't killed each other yet
2. Snuggly puppies
3. Christmas music
4. Coffee makers with timers
5. Alive, married, happy parents
6. That Husband and I own a house
7. That the renters in our other house are AWESOME
8. A job I enjoy
9. Christmas shopping
10. A Husband who is an excellent cook
11. Bright's candy store
12. My sister
13. Heat pad for my feet at night
What are you thankful for?
Friday, October 30, 2009
What's a wife?
Meg at A Practical Wedding (who I've never spoken to but totally love) has started a super-interesting discussion about reclaiming the word (and meaning) of wife. Read it.
The best part about the discussion--for me, at least--is knowing that I'm not alone. Other new wives really are asking the same questions I am. We're all different so our challenges and solutions are specific to us individually... but... well, to be honest, it makes me realize that I'm not a bad wife for struggling to become a wife or to figure out what that even means.
I empathized with Meg's post today about crying in the car. I've struggled and struggled with changing my name. First I made one decision. Then I changed it. Then I found a new solution. Then I hated that solution. Finally, finally, I went to the Social Security Office and made it official. My new SS card arrived about two weeks ago now. And it's still sitting on that table where we put mail. Unopened. I'm just not ready.
The best part about the discussion--for me, at least--is knowing that I'm not alone. Other new wives really are asking the same questions I am. We're all different so our challenges and solutions are specific to us individually... but... well, to be honest, it makes me realize that I'm not a bad wife for struggling to become a wife or to figure out what that even means.
I empathized with Meg's post today about crying in the car. I've struggled and struggled with changing my name. First I made one decision. Then I changed it. Then I found a new solution. Then I hated that solution. Finally, finally, I went to the Social Security Office and made it official. My new SS card arrived about two weeks ago now. And it's still sitting on that table where we put mail. Unopened. I'm just not ready.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
A better self
It seems as though I’m often the version of myself that I like the least.
If I know that to be the truth, then why can’t (don’t?) I change it? I don’t know.
A few things I would like to be:
But mostly I would like to be friendlier. Or maybe it’s sweeter? Maybe it’s just being a better person. Whatever it is, I think it would show itself as slowing down. Listening more. And paying more attention to others than to the thoughts and plans in my own head.
If I know that to be the truth, then why can’t (don’t?) I change it? I don’t know.
A few things I would like to be:
- More organized
- More caring
- Slower to bursts of frustration
- Quicker to accomplish things on schedule
- More social
But mostly I would like to be friendlier. Or maybe it’s sweeter? Maybe it’s just being a better person. Whatever it is, I think it would show itself as slowing down. Listening more. And paying more attention to others than to the thoughts and plans in my own head.
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