Blessings of Food

Husband loves to cook. He caters events on the side and every week be makes a meal for 30 or so people from the local university for their meeting. He's rarely happier than when he's aproned up, buzzing around the kitchen, tasting little bits of this and that.

This works out well for me, as you can imagine. 

The last few months have been horrible. I've been swamped at work, so much so that I often want to walk out at nine in the morning and crawl into bed at home because I'm drowning under the weight of what must be done right away. I'm teaching a class--for the first time ever--and find myself woefully unprepared for the task. My jewelry business is requiring massive amounts of time and the to-do list continues to grow. The organization for which I am chair of the board of directors is having a big event in one week. The house is messier than I like it and I have dozens of half-finished projects laying around. I'm so overwhelmed that simply functioning is becoming more than I can manage on some days.

But. But. The point is that I stumble downstairs each morning to find porridge ready or toast buttered. I have hot coffee or tea in a to-go mug by my purse. Many times I find a lunch packed and placed IN my giant purse ready to be carted to work. In the evenings I mumble something that I have a craving for and an hour later (or often less), it shows up, nicely plated, in front of my computer or on my studio desk. It's a miracle. And it's delicious.

I married a cook. And it's the best decision I've ever made. 

To sex or not to sex

Me: Do you think we're having more sex because we're getting along better right now? Or do you think we're getting along because we're, you know, getting it on?

Husband: We're getting along better, which makes you happier, which means more sex.

Me: I thought it was the other way around.

Husband: Could be.


What do you think? Is there a cause and effect relationship?

Nicknames

We call our dogs a whole mess of names: Lyla Lou, Loki Boo, sweet pea, stinky, piss & vinegar, puppy, tweedle dee & tweedle dum, lokabohk, trouble and other things I can't think of right now.

Husband and I call each other, well, Husband and Wife. Seriously. The most frequent thing you'd probably here in our house is me hollering "Husbaaaannndddd!" when I need his help with something. And from him "wiiIIIIffe" with a long sign, usually when I've gone on a cleaning rampage.

We don't really call each other anything else. And we rarely call each other by name. Weird, eh?

I've heard some talk about adjusting to calling your partner by a title like husband or wife. Obviously that's never been an issue for us. But what I don't know is why. I didn't like the term "boyfriend" and I never used "fiance". But "husband"? Sign me up!

Coffee Table Love

I went to this new consignment shop in my town the other day. Back behind the counter I spotted a strange and oddly intriguing mid-century coffee table that I couldn't quite figure out. It appeared to be a nesting coffee table, but that didn't see quite right. Then I saw that it had six legs, which also seemed strange. Finally, the sales girl showed me that it was a swiveling coffee table. The top and bottom were attached near one end and could rotate independently of each other.

Did you see that? I said SWIVEL.

Not sure I'd ever been so excited about something before.

They wanted $200 for the table which was more than I wanted to spend. It needed a little work so I thought about trying to talk them down, but instead sadly went home. But you know how sometimes you can't get an object, or movie, or idea out of your head? And you just know it's good and that you really, really need it? 

So I called Husband on my way home from work and told him I was stopping by to pick it up. Except, when I arrived the sales girl said they had sold it THAT DAY. Nooooo!

When I got home I saw this:

Yes, Husband was the secret purchaser. And he talked down the price. And it had been mismarked. So he brought home my new love for only $100.*

*and the price of the lovely daffodils he picked up and had sitting there. He's a good husband, yes?

Things I Like About My Husband

Husband and I have been fighting a lot. An awful lot.

In the past I've found that thinking nice thoughts or doing nice things for someone makes me like them more. So, I submit this short and not-exhaustive list of things I love about my husband.

1. He is an excellent cook.
2. He has super sexy legs.
3. He brings me coffee in the morning before leaving for work.
4. He picked up all the puppy poops today with my even asking.
5. He believes in my far more than I do.
6. He acts like a little kid a lot.
7. He loves me bunches.
8. He sweet talks the girl puppy when he thinks I'm not listening.
9. He unties all my knots and fixes my messes.
10. He finds things when I lose them--no matter what crazy place they were left in. It's amazing.
11. He occasionally surprises me with treats or flowers or cards.
12. He thinks I'm sexy, even when I look hideous.
13. He heats up a hot pad for my feet every night in the winter.
14. He is a great dresser.

Thank You Notes

I finally finished my wedding thank you notes! It took almost five months, which totally makes me feel like a slacker, but that's ok.

So the highlight of tonight's note-writing session was written by my husband. I quote:

"Dear _____,
Thank you for the wedding gift."

He certainly can be efficient, eh?

The Pants that Won't Die

 I have thrown these pants away three times. And each time, somehow, Husband finds them as he's taking the dumpster to the street.

I think it started because I like to throw things away. I don't like the clutter and I don't like to hold onto things too long. My husband holds onto EVERYTHING. I'm slowly, slowly clearing out our house (which was his house for two years first) and editing our belongings. He's pretty good about it now and seems to enjoy the feeling of getting rid of things* but he still doesn't trust that I'm not actually getting rid of his precious belongings.

But seriously? These are not precious.

I think it's time to take the hiding and throwing of the pants up a notch or two. I will preserve.

*He'll NEVER admit it.

Courtship

Recently I've been wondering how different our wedding and these first few months of marriage would have been had our timing been different.

We married on Labor Day weekend in September--exactly one year after our first date. Neither of us can remember exactly when we got engaged (yeah, that seems weird to us too, but we started talking about getting married so very shortly after our first date) but it must have been March or April because I remember saying to myself many times how I only had about five months within which to plan the wedding.

In many ways only having a few months for wedding planning was a blessing. It wasn't the best experience and I can only imagine that it gets more complicated when you don't have as much pressure to just MAKE A DECISION. But I do think that if we'd planned for a year we'd have done some things differently, or done more of it ourselves and saved money. Or maybe it's just that we would have had a better understanding of ourselves as a couple and that knowledge could have helped to prioritize our decisions.

And that leads to the other side of my wonderings: how would our marriage be different today if we'd known each other as well as we do now (or better even) before starting to plan a wedding and a life together? It seems that I'm learning something new about my husband at least every week, if not more. Not just little things like the fact that he hates black licorice, but things about his character, his dreams, habits and needs and patterns.

Are these things I should have known in advance or are these just things that come from living with/being married to someone no matter how long you've been together?

Nearly half of our courtship consisted of planning a wedding--which doesn't resemble real life. And now we find ourselves in this thing called marriage, in which he is my spouse and I am his. And some days it is really hard. We don't have a well of experiences to reach into. We don't have shared adventures and stories and friends. We can't look back and think of times that were worse or better than this. This short year is all we have had.

But we have many years in front of us. And I suppose in the long run that's all that really matters.

OUR life

I had a life-shifting moment last night. A paradigm shift, perhaps. A moment of beginning to realize (accept?) what this marriage thing is all about. Although all it really led to was more questions...

Husband and I were discussing his job, which led into more discussion about where he wants to go with his job and his career. Because of the inequalities of our jobs and financial status* I'm generally hesitant to speak about his career, lest he think I'm trying to run the show. I'm the planner and the go-getter of our partnership in most things so it's a natural thing for me. It's tricky.

As we talked things over last night that attitude kept getting in the way as I apologized or put a disclaimer on nearly every statement. I didn't notice until Husband finally told me to knock it off.

"Stop saying that. You're not meddling," he said. "It IS your business. We're married now. You get a say."

I'm sure you're laughing at me right now because apparently that's obvious to most people. I'm just slow, I suppose, but it still feels like HIS life and MY life... not OUR life. I try not to interfere in his and expect him to stay out of mine.

So does the fact that I'm married to him mean it's my right to have a say in his life? Is it a right? A privilege? An expectation?

How do I balance HIS life and MY life with OUR life? Are they the same?

And maybe most importantly... why does he seem to get all of this so naturally while I struggle with most aspects of being married?

*I make more than twice what he does.

A hint?

Husband emailed this article to me last week. A hint, you think?

Not Loving My Wedding

Meg at APW asked an interesting question yesterday--one I've thought of many times* but seems like the kind of thing no one says out loud. She wanted to know if anyone didn't love their wedding.

YES! My answer is a resounding yes!

As far as weddings go, there really isn't much I would change. We had a good party, we spent time with family and friends, we got legally hitched, we ate good food and ended up with great pictures. There were some stressful moments** in the planning process, at the same time, much of of the planning was fun. I was able to be creative and with the help of my mom and some good friends all my ideas came to life and were even better than I imagined. And it was most definitely a good time. 

 Still doesn't mean I loved it.

It was a tiring, busy day. Even though we planned the day so that we could spend time with people it didn't really work out. Yes, we got married and yes, it was fun to walk down the isle and see my husband and yes, it was important to say the "I do's" in front of everyone.***

Except, not really. I know for some people that's a really transcendent moment. It's life-altering and momentous. It's the happiest day of their life.**** Not for me. Am I glad we did it? For our families and the friends who were there and enjoyed it, sure. For me, no way. I never wanted a wedding. I always wanted to be married, yes--but a wedding, no. Before we even got engaged Husband and I talked about a tiny wedding somewhere on the coast with just our immediate families and possibly a friend or two. I dreamed of short white dresses and no fuss and standing on a cliff somewhere to say our vows with hot drinks inside after it was over. Once we were engaged it suddenly became VERY important to my then-fiance to have a "real wedding." With guests and vows and flowers and invites, and, it must be said, presents. We fought about it a lot. And then, I gave in.

But I should have fought harder. We're not the up-front, make a fuss over us type. We're the slipping away and surprising everyone with "guess what? we're married!" kind of people. And I knew it. And it would have been a wedding that I loved. 

*In fact, Husband and I were talking about this last week. He apologized and said he should have listened to me. That made me feel better about the whole thing.
**Ok, tons of stressful moments.
***I appreciate everyone who came to our wedding and everyone who helped out. Just because I didn't love it, doesn't mean I'm not glad you enjoyed it and that you were there.
****Seriously? How can that be?

A Note

I came home from work today to find this on the bulletin board near our bathroom (the one we tried to use as a list board).

What a good husband.