I haven't been blogging much. I haven't had much to say, mostly because I've been struggling a lot. This has been a really tough week.* Amongst other things, I've been swamped at work. I've had jewelry orders to fill and extra pieces to make for a shop in town who is beginning to carry my designs. There are Big Decisions to make. We're going backpacking this weekend and it's the first time we've gone since we were kids so there are plans to make and supplies to purchase. My sister is staying with me while she attends some teacher-type classes. My head aches. I'm building a website and have no idea how to actually do that. The house is filthy. And we're only wearing clean clothes because my lovely sister did the washing this week.
But that's just normal stuff to complain about. What's most frustrating is the total lack of understanding and support from the Husband. If he went to bed every night crying because of exhaustion and way too much to do in far too little time, I'd like to think I'd pat his head and snuggle him and offer to help with some small tasks. I think I would get him coffee in the morning and buy him a special treat just 'cause. I'm sure I wouldn't laugh at him or ignore him or blow his stress off because it's "not real work."
Wouldn't you?
And that's not really the point. The point is that even if I am being ridiculous or even if things will calm down, it doesn't change how completely overwhelmed I feel with everything RIGHT NOW. And right now I could use someone to share it with... which I guess is you lovely ladies instead.
I always heard (and still hear) about how marriage is the best thing ever and how now you'll always have a partner and someone to support you. But it's certainly not all it's cracked up to be.**
*OK, a really tough month or two.
**and on that note... am I really the only newly married person who can't figure out why in the world she got married in the first place? It seems unlikely that I am, but since I haven't found anyone else like that... perhaps I am?
I am sending you a virtual cupcake as its sounds like you need one! I'm a newly-wed too (just been married over a year). While I love being married, it hasn't meant that life has changed to us living a lovely cosy perfect life. I definitely think its true that men are from mars and women are from venus! We, as women, will try and make things better when our men are upset, like you said. Men on the other hand, sometimes can't handle us being upset and can seem uncaring when its really they feel awkward, uncomfortable or just don't know what the right thing to say to us is. I believe that marriage is a great institution and I don't regret getting married. I'm just more realistic now that to make a married work takes a lot of work. That said, hang in there. Your hard work will soon pay off, and the good times will soon far outweigh the bad! :)
ReplyDeleteDon't feel too alone kiddo. While I am not married yet, we live together and rely on each other as partners, and sometimes people just aren't happy - together, or alone. Everyone goes through phases.
ReplyDeleteLike Cameron said, people deal with stress and unhappiness differently. I don't know if it's specifically men one way and women another, but it's different all the same. Craig is the same way when I'm upset - he goes into "background" mode when I really want him to be "in my face with sweetness and kind gestures" mode. All you can do is ask for what you want, out loud, without worrying about feeling dumb.
Anyway, don't put extra pressure on yourself because you're married. Crappy times still come around, reagardless. Thanks for sharing your feelings, I'm sure you aren't alone.
Hummm .... there is so much going on here in my head right now, it's crazy.
ReplyDeleteFirst, have you seen Jeff Dunham? The comedian? (If you haven't you really really should ... THAT might make you so happy you'll pee your pants)
Anyway, he does a stint on Marriage with his puppet Walter who has been unhappily married since the time of the dinosaurs. ANYWAY (I am getting there, I promise) the very first comment up there said something along the lines of "marriage is an instituion". Well what WALTER the puppet says to that is that prision is also an institution ... so what's your point?
hahahahaha ... ok, maybe you should just watch it.
I know that you and I tend to be a lot alike, but I think in something like this I would have to plead in as the male. This is a REALLY hard topic to cover in a marriage.... and ours is the complete opposite as yours. J will be feeling like you and I HONEST to GOODNESS will just not get it. I won't. Then he'll finally TELL me something, and I'll ask why he didn't say anything, and he'll say something like he wanted me to notice ... and blah blah blah blah. It's TERRIBLE!
And I'm babbling ... but my point is people with that (my) kind of mindset honestly just don't get it until you spell it out in a how-to manual.
And now you know how to deal with me in case you and I ever get into this situation :)
I'm there. I was there - in the unhappy-in-my-new-marriage place - quite deeply a few weeks/months back. And then things got better. And today, they're kinda meh.
ReplyDeleteThe Mr. and I seem to have similar patterns of disconnect as do you and your husband. And. It. Sucks. Period.
That said...I love my Mr. And you love your husband. You did before you got hitched. You knew in your heart (and maybe even your mind) that you were better with him than without him. That's why you married him.
I keep telling myself it will get better. And I do believe it. Most days...
Love to you - all the way across the country. Keep your chin up!
Kerry & Cameron - Thanks ladies. Your encouragement helps a lot. And reminds me that I really do like him most of the time.
ReplyDeleteHeidi - I think what's frustrating is that I'm not known for being subtle or hinting around. I asked him point blank to do this and that and the other thing to please help me out. It's like I have to actually lose it in a full-on temper tantrum before he gets it. Which I HATE doing.
Jess - You understand. I know it. If only we didn't live on opposite coasts we could go for coffee and bitch together every once in awhile. :) Thanks.
Ah pants, just wrote a long reply and it's all gone!
ReplyDeleteI'm wishing you all the best from across the pond. If I could I would help but unfortunately I am neither a jewellery maker or website writer.
So all I shall do is agree wholeheartedly with what the others said and hope that this improves and you feel like the next month will be a better one for you.